Continuing to grow

Continuing To Grow
 
 
There is a seed inside us all
Like all seeds, it asks for very little
Nourishment, light and love
Without these the seed will surely perish
 
With the perfect mixture of all that it needs
The seed does what seeds do
And sprouts in to life
The little green shoots begin their journey
 
But it doesn’t stop there
You can’t abandon it now
The elements would kill it
You must still love, serve and protect
 
Feed it the right things
And discard the rest
Soon you will see the beauty of your intent
come to life as it peeks out from the darkness
 
Now is the time to ensure you protect it
Stop others from affecting its true line of sight
Be the guard around the sapling
And be sure to keep watch for all forms of danger
 
This is your destiny, don’t forget to keep lookout
Ensure you are first and foremost your own best friend
The guardian to you soul and your destiny
Only you are responsible for ensuring your seed becomes the mighty oak
 
 

 
~ Introduction to days 76 to 90 ~
 
As my plane touched down at Heathrow it dawned on me, just as it had when I had returned from France the month before, that I didn’t have that sense of coming 'home'.
 
It had been an emotional flight, which was to be expected, but the length of it had given me the space I needed to work through the emotions and step on to home soil with an overriding sense of achievement and excitement.
 
What an amazing three months it was. I felt truly blessed to be heading back to see my family, friends, and animals, knowing that my time away from them was everything for me that I hoped it would be and so very much more besides.
 
I didn’t know for certain what the future held for me but I did know that I was stronger, wiser, happier, more peaceful, and more centred than I had been for a very long time; if ever even.
 
In the final two weeks, and after everything that I had been blessed to experience over those past few months, I felt the desire to add some specific thoughts of gratitude to each day. Just 5 short sentences, focussing my mind to continue to look at all that is wonderful in my life.

*****


~ Day 76 ~
 
Sitting on a log in the horses field, listening to the horses eating hay and Charlie, my little dog snuffling around while I meditate, the birds singing and the spring breeze rustling through the leaves on the trees was pure and utter bliss.  I have so much to be grateful for.
 
While asking the universe to help me with this path I realised I have everything I need to be going forward that will bring me the income I need to not only keep myself afloat financially, but to also help others around me.
 
It came to me today to plan out my next ninety days with a focus on generating a sustainable income and also progress my mind and body health.
 
When I have finished writing here I will be setting to task my focuses for the coming quarter, breaking them down into manageable daily tasks.
 
The overall conclusion from this morning is that I have everything I need and I now need to get to work, while being wholeheartedly grateful for everything.

 


~ Day 77 ~
 
Today blessed me with a wonderful long deep meditation of a good hour and a half followed by a light sleep. I'm doing well on the jet lag front but it's mixed with broken sleep and Charlie getting settled again so I'm happy to take an additional nap if needed.
 
Things that came up today included working through the emotions, having left California, remembering to be kind to myself for these few days of adjustment but to stick to the new plan, ensure I take in as much positive, inspirational energy as possible and keep working towards my dream of complete independence.
 
It came up again that I have everything to work with. I guess this is way nothing more is coming through. My job now is to not get distracted with.
 
I am allowing myself a little downtime this weekend while I work out where I'm going to be living for the next three months and getting used to the routine I have to have around the horses and Charlie again. That's fine but come Monday it's all systems go. Yes, I have the old business to close down and everything that will come with that, but that must be secondary to my work, my future, me.
 
Also, there was the important realisation that working on me, and for me is great, but I must not forget that ultimately I will find true fulfillment in giving to others. There is a difference in giving, in a productive and creative manner, and just giving completely to the point of losing myself.  I must stay aware of this, be true to me while also ensuring I am putting others needs in line with my own. 
 
GRATITUDE
 
1. The beautiful weather yesterday allowing me to spend quality time with the boys.

2. My mum; she is simply awesome.

3. Charlie. What a super little man he is.

4. My amazing friend; she is a part of my heart and soul. My relationship with her is the closest I have to a partnership and I appreciate her so very much. I have been aware of mirroring my emotions on to her and the awareness is bringing back lightness and happiness now.

5. Being fit, well, healthy and happy. I am very lucky indeed!
 
I decided to meditate again this afternoon, back in 'the womb' in my mum's home, and it was another deep, completely connected  .
 
What's coming through is continuing this journey into myself for longer than these initial 90 days. To stay focused on me, which I have remained committed to since the Evolving Out Loud event and also from the reset for these 90 days before I head back to LA.
 
I have a plan and a focus in place for this month.  Feeling my mind and body come together as one with the meditations and manifestations as well as the adding in notating of tive things I am grateful for, daily.  I have also committed to listening to at least five minutes of motivational and inspirational videos to start my day. 
 
I am going to add reading to the list too, as this has dropped out of the daily routine and I know how important it is, especially as the book I started to read while in France is so on point for my work right now.
 
Something that came to me was to change the routine by manifesting before my meditations, this way setting the intention for the meditation.
 
I have my action steps in place for today and look forward to what the day has to offer me.
 
GRATITUDE
 
1. Having Kyle Cease, his 100 days, and Evolving Out Loud event brought into my life. I am amazed at how one video has taken me so far, and I know that the journey continues far beyond what I can see at this time.

2. My mum. It’s too easy to judge when I am the child but I appreciate all that she has given me, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

3. My friends. I have started to take a little for granted how much I have been missed while I have been away and this is so unacceptable. Without the love and support of some of the most amazing people I would not have been able to survive the last 2 years. So the fact that they are still here by my side and wanting to see me, are loving me and being an amazing support still, is nothing that I should take for granted for even a millisecond.

4. My horses for keeping me grounded and ensuring I don't lose my work ethic or commitment to others while I work through this time of total focus on myself. Ensuring I don't get so self-absorbed and insular. Having to leave the house and get out among people, if only on the roads!

5. To the universe for keeping me safe.

 

~ Day 78 ~
I had the most beautiful meditation today, again while I was sat in the horse field with the spring sunshine on my back. I was able to go really deep for the first time in what feels like an eternity and yet I know I've been there recently.
 
Remembering that this work I am doing daily is compounding, that it is having the most wonderfully positive effect on my life, and though I woke this morning feeling very unenthused I knew this was down to my poor food choices yesterday and the breaking up process I am going through this fortnight with finalising the old business.
 
I have so many opportunities to get my teeth into. I could easily beat myself up for not getting out of bed this morning but instead I saw it for what it was and understood what it was about, which enabled me to move past it quickly.
 
The awareness I now have about everyone and everything around me is so clear and it is evident around the animals, especially the horses.
 
What is also clear is I like being in my own old business now, especially while I am working through all of this.
 
It's such an amazing time in my life.
 
 
GRATITUDE
 
1. The bed I got to sleep in last night was so comfortable, like I was back in my own 'womb' of a space.

2. The field where the horses stay has such a beautiful energy. It is the perfect place to be with myself, to meditate and to work on my inner self.

3. The knowledge that I AM LOVE and that everyone and everything around me is a version of that love which I hold for myself. I am so grateful to have this understanding and know that my relationships will grow stronger and more fulfilled as the love for myself grows stronger and more fulfilled.

4. My ex-partner, for sticking to his word, being a proper human being I originally fell in love with, and for allowing me to do all that I have had to, these past two and a half years

5. My ex-boyfriend, for making me face reality and the lack of love I had for myself.

 

~ Day 79 ~

 

I worked through my manifesting and gratefulness before my meditation today and then managed an initial forty minutes while I sat in the field. Some fantastic information coming through for my website, my self-esteem, and my relationships.
 
Meditating with two dogs going crazy around me, with temperatures below 10 degrees however was not conducive to a deep and long self-discovery so when I came out of it, I took the decision to stop there and go back to the house to complete another thirty minutes.
 
This meditation was in the bath, with nothing but me and the gloriously warm water.  I went through some emotion, clearing out stuff from past relationships, continuing to understand that all the issues I have with other people are a mirror of myself.
 
It is beautiful how deep I can go when there is nothing else to take my attention. It is very clear to me that though in many ways it seems from the outside that nothing has changed, all of the work I have been putting in and focusing on is doing exactly as I had hoped it would, do back in late January. I am learning and growing daily. The compound effect of the little bits I am doing every day is resulting in the most amazing thoughts, ideas, and ultimately actions, creating the life I have been craving for many years now.
 
I have complete and utter knowledge from deep within me that by continuing to follow this path I will get and become everything I ever wanted. I will be able to pay forward everything I have hoped and dreamed of doing.
 
I changed my body language at the end of the meditation, from comfy and cosy to victory, and that's when the BOOM happened!! I've not done that for a while. I allowed the change of scenery from France to LA to affect my work on me in many ways and as I hoped, being back here in the UK without distraction, I am slowly coming back to me, completely. I missed me, in many ways, while I was there, and I hadn’t realised it until now.
 
With this newfound awareness I know I will be able to make more from my return trip, take the time to work on me and my books while I can, and still have time to enjoy the adventure and the city I so crave to get back to.
 
What a beautiful, amazing life I have and how simply perfect everything is in every moment.
 
I cannot thank the universe enough for setting me on this unbelievably amazing path of self-discovery, self-love and ultimate self-connection.
 
GRATITUDE
 
.1 Sitting in this beautiful field, with the sun shining on my back and the birds singing, the dogs bumbling about happily and the horses munching on their hay.

2. My relationships, for everything they have taught me. 

3. My mum, I know if all else were to fail she will always be here for me.

4. My laptop, iPad and phone - being able to work anywhere in the world.

5. The money in my bonds accounts - my ‘peace of mind account’ while I work this all out. 
 
 
It's 1:30am and I just had to write. My heart is bursting out of my chest. My mind is spinning with excitement and awareness and dreams and actions all coming into place at once, like this turning of the days. The commitment I have to the actions I have set for myself for these coming months is all coming together at once and amongst all of this I am able to help, create happiness, and inspire others too. 

This is literally a dream coming true and I am so very grateful to the universe, while overcome with joy and happiness and this simple innate knowing that I am on my path, that this is it, that I have found my way. It is like poetry in motion. Love in its highest form.
 
Is it coincidence (no such thing) that my increased downloading, enthusiasm, and zest coincides with reducing my intake of unhealthy food…!? I think not!

 

~ Day 80 ~
I am sat on the bed in this beautiful cottage I get to call home while I am here in the UK, thanks to the most amazing people that I have in my life, and it is perfect.  
Today was peaceful, all consuming, deep and incredibly soulful. It is here I feel like I have found myself because it was in this very cottage that I came to the point not too many months ago that I had lost myself, almost completely.
 
I’m feeling an overriding sense of fulfilment in the unwavering knowledge that this is me, that I am growing and searching inside myself every day, listening to what the universe has to offer me, allowing everything to flow to me and through me. This is exactly how my life will continue to grow, expand and develop for the rest of my time on this beautiful planet.
 
It is times like this that I can truly look back over the last three months and see the development that I have undertaken, both emotionally and spiritually.  Yet, as far as I have come, I also know also that my journey continues daily.
 
As today is day 80, with 10 days left of this amazing delve into myself, I can only begin to image where the next 90 days will take me.
 
The people that I have met during my travels in both France and the US have enriched my life beyond what they will ever be aware of, and I know so many of them will be in my future for a very long time.
 
Everything must start with gratitude and I am so thankful that I have now added that to my meditation ritual, along with the manifesting and body language.

Today, as I felt it was time to change my physical state, I chose to count the 120 seconds. My gentle alarm sounded as I neared the last 19 seconds, as if I had known subconsciously that I was at the end of my meditation time. I 'knew' the hour of meditation was nearing yet not on a conscious level. I really must begin to understand that, like the very depths of the ocean that feeds our physical body by producing the water that turns into rain to fill our rivers and in turn the very taps that give us our lifeblood, there is so much more beneath the surface of our exterior which we show to the world.
 
Our subconscious mind is one so deep, so utterly amazing, so full of wonder, that we may never know just how incredible it is. The feeling of not knowing and the beauty that comes with the adventure of searching deeper and deeper inside myself is something I hope will never end. A search, a journey, a path to follow that perhaps not even our soul knows the final destination to. Even the universe herself cannot predict because the possibilities for change and difference are so vast, they fill that very universe. It makes us mere humans seem so insignificant and yet, like the protons, neutrons and electrons that make up the atoms that create our cells, the building blocks of our very physical beings, we are all so infinitely important. Every single one of us plays our part in the creation of our future and the future of everyone and everything around us.
 
You are important. You are uniquely individual and here to play your part in the rich tapestry of life. Your energy, your focus, your dreams, your life, it means something to every single organism in our universe.  I am taking this on board and understanding it, just a little, allowing it to affect every single thing that I do, think, feel and say in every minute of every moment of every day.
 
GRATITUDE
 
1. That feeling when I have so many amazing things being downloaded from the universe that I can’t sleep.

2. This beautiful spring morning, with a fresh breeze and birds singing. It makes it great to be alive.

3. The meeting with the person whose words started me on this journey. The highs and ultimate low from that encounter, and the singe word uttered, which was the beginning of this most amazing adventure, I know will never end.

4. The understanding that there will be times of sadness and possibly struggle and heartache but the foresight to know that this is the rich tapestry of life and that there could be no highs if it weren't for the lows.

5. The ticking clock in my wonderfully comfortable room in this beautiful home with my chosen family. Reminding me that time waits for no man, and every second that passes is one given back to the universe and only she knows when our last one will be.

 

~ Day 81 ~
 
A hailstorm of a meditation with feelings, emotions, thoughts, and movements all over the place.
 
Understanding that I am the moon, the stars, the sky, and the earth. I am God, I am the universe, I am whoever I want to be. I am not the skin and bone that surrounds my internal organs nor am I only the soul that resides inside of me. I am everything, and I am nothing at all.
 
So much of me needs to just get over myself and so much of me needs to understand I am infinite possibility, all in one living organism. I have so much to give, if I only step away from the innate protector that resides in us all.
 
For me, my success is to be standing on stage, telling my story, inspiring and positively influencing as many people as I possible can.  Then, once I am there, to make sure I have the next goal in sight.
 
Let go of the need to feel loved by someone or anyone else. Feel blessed that it is there but do not be all consumed. Understand I am love, I give love, and ultimately the whole world is my mirror.
 
Be brave, step outside the box, move forward, and trust that the universe has it all worked out. In the end, when I lay on my bed with my final breaths leaving me, what is going to matter most to me? That I remained comfortable my whole life or that I strived, pushed, grew through the pain and the challenges and became a person that inspired a generation to do more, to be more, to give more and to have more?
 
 
GRATITUDE
 
1. I am grateful for my amazing lifestyle, being able to make decisions about my life on a day-to-day basis.

2. Iam grateful for Charlie and the horses, for keeping me sane and focused every day, and for their unwavering love.

3. am grateful to the universe for the lessons she is teaching me, those I do not understand and those I have insight to also.

4. am grateful to my beautiful friend, for keeping my head screwed on with her sanity.

5. am grateful for the sun currently warming my face, the birds singing around me, and the peace that comes when I choose to get out of my head.

 

~ Day 82 ~
 
Just keep writing; that's what I got through today, that, and don't be scared.
 
I love how it can be that simple.
 
Do the things that have been given to you to do and the rest will follow. Just like the Sat Nav analogy. One instruction at a time.  Don't worry about the future, don't concern myself with things outside of my control. Be here, in this moment, and love those around me for who they are and how they positively affect each and every day.
 
Ensure I surround myself with the positive influences I want to emulate.  Those who are meant to be in your life will remain.
 
Treat everyone and everything with the love and respect I want, including, and in fact, most importantly, myself.
 

GRATITUDE
 
1. My beautiful little man, Charlie. How could I not be grateful to have him with me as my little travelling companion!?

2. am grateful for my straightforward, amazing, wonderful friends, who I can be completely me with.

3. I am grateful for the light I feel inside me that today has reignited.

4. I am grateful for my newfound understanding of not getting overwhelmed when things don't go my way.

5. I'm so grateful for the consistency that is my horses, the commitment I have to them, and what that gives me daily.

 

~ Day 83 ~
 
My learning from today was ‘Just get it done’. Procrastination is the killer of dreams. Have conviction in what it is I want to do and get it done. Remember, that my life's’ Sat Nav won't give me the next directive until I have completed the last one. Trust the universe. Listen to my heart and my mind, and know that I know best, I know everything, it's all already inside of me.
 
Today I am doing stuff out of obligation, tomorrow will be the same and it’s my choice to either also get some of my own work done, concentrate on my life and my dream, or waste the time in other people's lives, and on other people's dreams.
  
My time is now. This is it, today in this moment. I can chose to squander it or I can chose to run with the waves, taking the turns that my mind and body are taking me towards and no longer worrying about the ‘what ifs’.
 
If I am to achieve all that I have planned for my life I must be brave. I must do differently than I have done in the past. I will seek out those individuals who can help me to achieve my destiny of helping others, of helping to protect this planet for future generations, and for building the fire inside me, of the fulfilment I am destined for.
 
I will no longer allow the doubting thoughts in my head to overcome the actions that I need to take.
 
What I have done so far has worked just fine. I have so much to give and to be grateful for. Now is the time to grasp all I have learned and take it forward. Give it back to the world and with that, give others the belief and understanding that anything they dream and desire is possible.
  
GRATITUDE
 
1. My ability to learn and grow.

2. My animals for keeping me grounded.

3. My amazingly creative mind.

4. The country I call home, for being a free and open country that allows me to work out what I need to do, to be who I need to be, and to help those who want my help.

5. Everyone I have in my life who is loving and supportive, a blessing for each and every way they impact my life.

 

~ Day 84 ~


A meditation full to the brim with ecstasy, gratefulness and understanding of just how far I have come.

I am thankful for everything;
For breathing.
For living.
For loving.
For my friends.
For my family.
For every single person that crosses my path.
For my dog.
For my horses.
For the sky.
For the birds that sing.
For the clock in my room tick-tocking away, reminding me just how precious life is.
For the bed that I sleep in.
For the comfort of the walls around me.
For my car and the freedom that it gives to me.
For all of the relationships I have had and all of the lessons I have learned from each of them.
For the money in my accounts, giving me peace of mind while I travel this adventurous journey and work out what's next.
For the universe and her ever unbelievable way of keeping me on track to my destiny.
For being me and the uniqueness that I am from head to toe physically, and in every single cell inside of me.
For the challenges I face.
For the easy life that I have had.
For the emotions I feel, the highs and the lows.
For the possessions I have.
For the choices I have.
For my health.
 
Life is truly amazing.

 

~ DAY 85 ~
The realisation that I am so very different from the inside out and yet so much the same is something that brings a level of peace to me that I haven't known before. Understanding the ways I have changed and appreciating the person I now am. Knowing that I have 100% control over my entire life. My decisions are mine to make. My future is mine to create. My emotions are mine to feel. No one else has a right or the ability to affect anything in my life unless I let them.
 
This is so powerful, so completely freeing, so humbling, and so very exciting.
 
Proving to myself that by taking the time out to just listen to myself, acting upon what comes up as swiftly and completely as possible and then accepting the universe's next instructions is the way I am now leading my life. And it feels, well, just right.
 
Do the things that I'm given, with as much urgency as my goals require.
 
Be good and kind to everyone and everything.
 
Be happy, now.
 
Love every moment of every day.
 
Feel.
 
Know that the universe is responding in kind with all that I need in this lifetime.
 
Love.
 
Go confidently in the directions of mydreams.
 
See life through the eyes of a child.
 
Let nature be my companion, my soul food, and my canvas.
  
GRATITUDE
 
1. Iam thankful I live in a society that allows me to spread my wings, find my feet, and become the person I need to be to help this planet be a better place for my children, grandchildren, and many generations to come.

2. I am so very grateful to the beautiful family I live with, for accepting Charlie and me into their home and their lives. 

3. My beautiful horses and fabulous little dog who keep me grounded in the now, who take my love and return it with unconditional love and affection. This must never be taken for granted and is something I must seriously consider as I work out the months ahead spending time here and in other countries.

4. My mum. Forever present. Always supportive. Giving of herself. Loving me unconditionally and should never, ever be taken for granted.

5. For the relationships I have around me.

 

~ Day 86 ~


The roller coaster of life that we are all a part of has many peaks and troughs. By learning to love all of them and having the awareness that both are as valuable as each other, the endless possibilities of my future is clear. 
 
I am so open to what the universe has to offer to me now, knowing that every step I take is a step toward my goal of helping many hundreds of people to realise their own dreams by offering mentorship and providing inspiration.
 
Life is abundant, and the infinite possibilities that are created every day mean that I am so completely in control of my destiny. I can choose everything: my feelings, emotions, thoughts and actions. All will lead me on a slightly different path with each of the choices I make.
 
We are that powerful. That unique. That special.
 
Like being a child on a pavement trying not to step on any cracks, we need to watch where we place every foot fall. Be mindful that each step creates a ripple in our future, and to choose to place our foot only in the direction of our dreams. With confidence, excitement, and surety. 
 
GRATITUDE
 
1. For the friends I have.

2. For the understanding and awareness of myself I now have.

3. For the choices I have available to me.

4. For the air that I breathe.

5. For this journey I am on.

 

~ Day 87 ~
 
My meditation today was stronger than any I had experienced to date.  My whole body involved in bring and building of energy inside of me, like nothing I have ever experienced before.

As I sat on the floor, in the corner of my bedroom, settled on some pillows, my back rested against the cupboard door, I got lost within myself.  I have heard and read some of the experience of Kundalini rising; when awakened, it is said that Kundalini rises up from the root chakra, through the body, reaching the top of the head. Today, I am convinced this is what I experienced.  A mass of warmth, energy and light travelled through me and brought with it a sense of knowing, calmness and complete trust in myself and all that I have been searching for.

The experience brought with it utter belief, no, complete understanding that I am everything I desire of myself, perfect as I am.  With this came intellectual proof from the last few months too;

Proven: The interviews I have been invited to, and taken part in.
Proven: How engrossed the audience was when I spoke got on stage at the Evolving Out Loud event.
Proven: When I make a decision to do something, I do it.
Proven: How much I am loved by so many people.
Proven: How much I care, for everyone and everything.
 
I am all that I am and all I need to be.
 
  
GRATITUDE
 
1. For the way the universe brings me exactly what I need at exactly the right moment.

2. My mum. She is amazing. An incredible source of inspiration, work ethic, and tenacity.

3. My friends, who spark my creativity every single day. 

4. My beautiful soulmate, she is the female love of my life, and I remember that every day.

5. For the awakening that I am everything I need and want to be right now, and it's that knowing which will enable me to do everything I have set out in front of me.

 

~ Day 88 ~

It's happening; it's well and truly happening. I am feeling the shift and setting the foundation. The doors are opening. The opportunities are presenting themselves. All I have to do is keep doing what I have been doing and I know life is going to continue in this amazing vein.
 
Within the next 126 days I will be officially trained by Tony Robbins, Chloe Madanes and their team. I will have something official that I can put against my name, which will ensure that I can hold my head high when asked, 'What do you know?' I will learn strategies, gain insights, and I have a proven formula to follow that will enable me to reach out to those who are looking for help.
 
The retreat venue is booked!! Four nights in a beautiful golf resort apartment in the mountains of Southern California, with twelve bedrooms and ample space, inside and out, for attendees to find themselves and gain clarity for their futures. A plan is beginning to formulate itself.
 
New thoughts and ideas for my books. Rekindling my passion and drawing me back to the writing. What I hadn't realised was that the dullness and unease I was feeling was because I wasn't writing from me, my heart, or my experiences. 
  
Consideration for my creation of ‘The Amazon Project’; To create and build a foundation with the focus of purchasing and protecting 500 acres, in the first instance, of Amazonian Rainforest, securing it from destruction and devastation. Funds to be drawn from my earnings over the coming weeks, months and years. 
 
I am feeling love, I am cherished, and I respected and this is enveloping me with a peace and allows me to concentrate on everything I now have going on.
 
My task now is to keep everything organised. Give everything appropriate amounts of time. Continue to meditate every day, write about my experiences, and show the world that by going into yourself you can heal yourself and help to heal the world too.  
 
GRATITUDE
 
1. This meditation routine of waking at 6am, in a sight dream state, meaning I am completely open to the 5th dimension and not fighting the wobble in my head.

2. My soul mate. She is an example to me and an inspiration. She is the person I want to impress by the work I do and the money I bring in and have flow through me. I want to show her how her and her family believing in me and giving me space to grow during this last year, has enabled me to create a life that I can flourish in. And then able to help others flourish too. 

3. Having the freedom to make my own choices, follow my path, listen to my inner self, and create my dream life. It is precious, and knowing I will be able to help transform others’ lives is beyond exciting.

4. Charlie, Reuben and Albert, amazing souls who brighten my life and keep me grounded at the same time. They are my world.

5. My brother and ad sister-in-law.  Though I don’t make enough time to see them, they are always in my heart and mind.

 

~ Day 89 ~
 
Taking ownership: Today I realised that by taking ownership of everything in my life I will, by definition, become the conductor to my very own orchestra.
 
The retreat, for instance. The venue is now booked and paid for. ‘Book it and they will come’...? Perhaps, or, book it and then let people know about it, as if it was the tenth one we had run. Own the idea, the philosophy, the strategic interventions that I'll be utilising, the meditation techniques, the food we will be consuming, the way that it runs, all as if it had been done over and over again before.
 
Take away the feeling of newness, of uncertainty, of what-ifs, and replace them with pure and utter ownership of the whole entire event, how I feel about it and my expectations. That is what will bring the participants.
 
Then, tell the world, pick the demographic, and get the word out.
 
As with everything else, I will take this project one step at a time. I don’t need to over analyse everything and worry about something yet to present itself, I just need to know how to do what is needed today.
 
On the same subject of taking ownership, I am completely and utterly in control of how I think, feel, and react in any given situation. 100% responsible for everything in my life and how I perceive everything too.
  
I heard recently that, 'You can sit cross-legged, chant affirmations, hold crystals, and wait for life to come your way - most of which is all hocus pocus marketing, anyway. Or, you can work your butt off to create the life you want.'
 
You know what I believe? In fact not just what I believe, but what I know? I know that the 'hocus pocus stuff' is actually the area we need to give the biggest percentage of our time to. The information, creativity, ideas, and events that come from the ‘hocus-pocus stuff’, added to specific and mindful action, can only lead us on the path of our dreams.
 
It can not be one thing or the other, it can only come from both. 
 
Everything is energy: the birds, the trees, the sky, the chair I’m sitting on, the clothes I wear, me, you and everyone and everything in our universe. What comes from us affects everything. Everything, has a cause and effect outcome.
 
Put the wheels in motion, start moving consciously and confidently in the direction of our dreams. Set our sights and don't let others derail us. It’s our dream; that's why it was given to us. Others may not be able to see it, but that's ok. It's not their dream!
 
GRATITUDE
 
1. To the universe for the path that she has allowed me to find.

2. For the hurt that I have felt and the journey I have had so far which has enabled me to be where I am today.

3. For all the people I am helping or will help by being on this journey.

4. For Rob, my study buddy. He is every bit the amazing guy I thought he was when we first got in contact.

5. For the spiritual consultant I went to see; the work she has given me is enabling me to see the person I was as a little girl and know that she is who I still am today. 

 

~ Day 90 ~
 
DAY NINETY!
 
Wow, day 90 of meditation, 105 actual days since I started this amazing process and what a journey it has been. Mentally, emotionally and physically.
 
This morning I covered 40 minutes at the yard with the horses and was gifted with the next area to focus on; a free 30-minute pre-session video call for prospective clients.  
Giving something for nothing. The basis of everything that I am now; give first, without expectation. Learn my trade, outside of my natural ability, and everything else will come easily.
 
To understanding that not every thought I have is a definitive. If that were the case life would be a complete muddle.  Allow the thoughts to come and when they align in my body and my heart I will know it’s the path to continue to follow.
 
I have many adventures ahead of me, borne from a journey that started 8 months ago, and I am beyond excited by all those I am aware of and all those I am yet to get to know. What I do know is this journey of self-discovery has been beyond my expectations. My growth mentally and spiritually has been greater than I knew was possible, and that's the beauty of delving into something when you don't know the outcome. Why would you want to know the outcome!? How boring would that be!?
 
I have made space to sit now for at least another 40 minutes.  No expectations, no questions to answer.  Sitting in my car with my puppy in the back, the sunshine beating through the open door. Warm on my arms and yet it's only 16 degrees outside. I’m in a motorway service station on my way to see a colleague who has become a friend. Someone I believe will continue to be in my life in both ways as I journey through this next step in to public speaking.  Then on to my brother. I look forward to telling him about the spiritual consultant and the insights she had of him, to find out if she was on track with the information she gave to me about his journey. 


So much information coming through! Oh my goodness, I must continue to remember what can happen when there are no expectations of my meditations.  I have been given further developments regarding having a manager, how that will ensure I can focus on what I'm good at while also giving to someone else. This sits perfectly with the flow of money to and then through me. Perfect!  Also, how having a manager will mean I can continue with my dream of working from anywhere in the world. 
Considerations of how I can both impact, and be impacted by people I help along my journey, books that I will right, those that I will improve and others’ that are not for my writing. 
 
Utilising the abilities of others instead of trying to do everything myself. Knowing where I am best suited to focus my efforts and allowing others to shine in their abilities.  
In short, focus on putting energy into my gifts and let others bask in the glory of their own gifts. Don't waste time doing things that belong to other people’s journey. 

Above all else, love and be loved, and enjoy every single step along the way.

 
GRATITUDE

For life itself.