Let's talk about sex...

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As the lyrics from Salt N Pepa’s 1991 song go; Let’s talk about sex baby….

Can you remember the last time you had  mind blowing sex?

Soul wrenching?

Heart stopping?

Breathtaking sex?

When you lost all sense of where your body ended and your lover’s began?

When time stood still, and THE ONLY thing that mattered in the world was the bond between the two of you.  

Vulnerable.

Open.

Raw.

True.

Passionate.

Honest.

How about the last time you laughed in bed together, because bits wobbled, or an odd noise came from somewhere, or you almost fell off of the bed, or you did fall off the bed because you were laughing so much.

It isn’t the stuff of “youngsters” or just the fantasies of the lonely middle aged.

This is what sex between two loving, trusting, self-aware, self-controlled, fully functioning, individuals is.

One of the earliest signs that a relationship is going bad is the emotion, or lack thereof “under the covers”.  

When neither are getting what they want, even if sex is still happening, often it’s robotic at best.  

Though at first things may seem just a little different, it’s here the most attention should be paid.  It’s not that you can’t bring it back if sex has stopped, but the sooner that niggling thought has been noticed, and dealt with, the better chances the relationship has.

Perhaps it’s that he doesn’t kiss you when you leave the house any more.

Maybe she doesn’t caress you like she used to.

Has the laughing stopped?

The tenderness disappeared?

The attention to details forgotten?

How long has it been since you felt totally and all consumingly lost in each other?

All too often I speak with men and women whose sex lives are a long way from satisfactory, far less anywhere near the beautiful and connected bond of two lovers caught up in the joy that comes with giving to each other the ultimate pleasure.

It’s not to say that a “quicky” here and there is a bad thing, quite the opposite, as can also be said about a simple moment of connection, without all of the fireworks.

These all add up to a fulfilling and complete sex life.

But when there is no emotion, a physical action out of ‘duty’ or in some crazed hope it will stop their partner straying.  The cost is far greater than just bad sex.

You see, bad sex doesn’t start as bad sex.  

It starts from within.

Lack of confidence.

Lack of self respect.

Lack of courage or vulnerability.

Where a misunderstanding can lead to a cold shoulder.  

Cross words turn to harsh words that can’t be taken back.

Expectations become like weeds in a garden and selfishness takes over gratitude.

And little by little the darkness starts to take over the light that was once there.

Then what are you left with?

Sadness, hurt, rejection, disrespect, dissolution and with all of that; horrible, soulless, numb, robotic sex, if any at all.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

And it starts with YOU.

YES YOU!

Not your partner, YOU!

You see the REAL problem lies within.  

Harsh to read I know.

How do I know? Because I’ve been there.  

Looking from the inside out, poking the finger, voicing the blame, seeing what was wrong everywhere else but from within me.

It took me 20 years all told and a whole heap of soul searching (and more besides) to work it out, weed it out and sort it out.

How much longer are you prepared to go on as you are?

You see, bad sex doesn’t start as bad sex.

Bad sex starts as….

Lack of confidence.

Lack of self respect.

Lack of courage or vulnerability.

And when you are sick and tired of not just bad sex, but bad communication, bad connection and bad respect.  Maybe, just maybe you will be ready to do something about it.

The hardest steps is the one toward change.

Somehow it seems easier to stay in pain and suffering than to choose to do something about it.

Perhaps you’ve been there for so long you been able to build up scar tissue around your emotional scars, or barriers around your mindset.

That’s not living!

It’s certainly not loving.

Is it even existing?

I shudder at the thought of the number of people I speak to who are so far gone, down the path of a relationship going sour that they literally can’t remember what it was like to be happy.

Have forgotten what it was to be lovingly touched, caressed and cared for.

Too busy, being busy.  

Focusing on their job, the children, they woes to STOP and realise they YOU ARE IN CONTROL.

No one else is going to step up and change your life for you.  NO ONE. Because ultimately, everyone else is doing the best they can with their own life situations and the ONLY person responsible for your life, your relationship, your happiness….

Is YOU.

And that’s where I come in.

I’m a coach;

Per the Oxford English Dictionary the meaning of which is - A private tutor who gives extra teaching

But what I really am is a conduit between yourself and everything you already have inside of you, to your very own happiness.

Sex education in schools doesn’t teach emotional awareness, confidence, self awareness, joy and expression. It teaches function…. Not the most useful of lessons when it comes to soul enhancing, fulfilling and complete connected relationship.

We were also never taught about the ways in which we all communicate differently, that confidence and vulnerability are two sides of the same coin which must not only live inside us but be able to be expressed without guilt or shame.

We’re not taught how to LOVE OURSELVES FIRST, how to clear out inappropriate emotions from our past, ways to forgive, be in gratitude, how to connect with the world around us while first being completely connected to ourselves.

And we’re not taught how to love, without expectation.  To take not just complete control but absolute responsibility for our emotions and how we interact with those around us.

The way we communicate.

Our belief in ourselves.

And the ability to listen to the small voice within and KNOW the difference between the ever present monkey mind, and our higher self, standing there by our side, holding our hand every step of the way.

Vulnerability isn’t the ability to be taken granted of, to be victimised or used.  

Vulnerability is the ability to open up the deepest, darkest, most beautiful parts of ourselves with the knowledge that with the one we love, and with confidence, we can be everything, do everything and have everything we ever dreamed of.

First though.. You have to take the leap of faith.

NO ONE can do that for you.

If you would like to chat about how I can help you find those missing pieces and step forward in to your true self and then onward to the life and relationship you dream of, you are welcome to book a call.

There are a few slots left before I head off my first skiing holiday in 20 years (taking my own leap of faith there!), so if you want to speak to me before that, book a call with me now

www.jacquigreene.com/dreams-apply

During this call we will take a good look at what’s working, and what’s not working in your relationship - believe me, it’s not what you think.  

Then, we’ll chat about what you want it to be like.  If we’re a good match and I can help you to reach your dreams and goals, I will absolutely show you how, and if not, then I’ll show you that too.

Please know, this isn’t for everyone.  If you are not committed to being the very best you can be and to have the very best relationship you can have then please do not book a call.  As I mentioned spaces are limited.

I absolutely love talking to those who know something needs to change but the just don’t know quite what, or indeed how. If that’s you, book your call today.

www.jacquigreene.com/dreams-apply

I look forward to speaking with you.

Jacqui x

Jacqui Greene