Love conquers fear
I learned very early on in my career how important it is to keep my mindset strong, to take pride in where I have come from, live happy in the moment and focus forward to where I am know I am going. And most importantly to LIVE what I teach.
Never has this understanding been more relevant for me than in the week just passed.
Those who know me will be aware that I have just returned from a skiing holiday, something many I know would have been excited to be going on. Me… I was looking forward to it with an air of uncertain anticipation.
You see, I first went skiing 20 years ago, at the ago of 20. I had been excited to be going, had arranged to have lessons when we go there and looked forward to doing something I had never tried before. And, I was good! Each day I got more confident as we followed the instructor in penguin style unison, diligently learning to point my ski tips towards each other and lean in to the leg I wanted to turn on. Not once did I fall…. and there I thought was where my problems started.
Day three of that ski trip we were taken up to the top of a simple wide green run. I, as the seemingly most competent skier at that stage, was put at the front of the line of us wide eyed learners, when the instructor joked “be sure to turn - that way’s a red run"……… Oh My days. That was it. I was terrified. Behind me was a ditch like affair with red plastic fencing and directly in front of me (as I was parallel across the ‘Mountain top’ was, what I could only interpret as, my death.
I quivered, cowered, started to shake and then started to cry. I couldn’t move any part of my body. that was it. I removed my skis and walked down said Mountain, vowing to never put skis on a mountain again.
And I didn’t - Until last week
You see half my life had gone by, by then. I had considered the possibility again, and I also wanted to conquer this one thing that had “got me”.
So the holiday was booked. The Chalet was beautiful. The two dry ski sessions I’d had were a success (well I had almost knocked myself unconscious in one but I wasn’t deterred).
When the first day came, I was ready. Excited. Confident. I skied the green runs, getting more balanced and happier with each run and if I’m honest a little bored. So we decided to scale a big chair lift and run the blue back.
I was great, good, fine, ok - oh sh…. I froze. ahead of me was what seemed to be an expanse of steep white piste and to the left of me a sheer drop off of the edge and no space at all to turn - I mean not AT ALL. I couldn’t move. my head was screaming. My eyes were watering, that little girl inside of me was having a melt down and all I could do was shout and scream at her.
Eventually I got myself straight, and made it back to the main resort - determined, after some food, we went up again. This time I would make it, I got down once, I’d get down again. “It was ridiculous, stupid, pathetic”. The second time, it was worse. I got further that time but the melt down was full blown catatonic. Like nothing I have experienced for many many years and the yelling I did at that little girl inside horrendous. I can’t tell you how long I stood there for, quivering, sobbing, being cross at myself, but it was a very. long. time. Finally the realisation that if I didn’t move we were going to be stuck on the mountain past dark kicked me in to gear and I got down safely.
But boy oh boy was I mad.
It wasn’t until that night, while reliving the whole experience while everyone else was asleep, that I realised just how unkind I had been to myself. That with all that I know, all that I live by and all that I teach, I had got so lost in the moment of sheer panic that I had forgotten to love myself first.
So I made a vow. for the rest of the holiday the only words I would utter to myself were words of love and encouragement. I would speak to that scared little girl inside as if she were a scared real child in my care and I would show her the love, affection, consideration, guidance, compassion and patience that I would any other child.
“It’s ok sweetheart, you’ve got this” became my mantra. I spoke softly, with love and I felt it. The difference was palpable. It kept me moving when previously I would have stopped. I skied green, blue and red runs daily. Sometimes fast(ish) often times slow. Sometimes with sheer confidence, often times trembling and just getting myself down the slope.
But I avoided that original Blue run.
Or at least so I thought.
It was on day five as we made our way back to the main resort, the same way we had come just the day before, that it dawned on me where I was. I wobbled in the realisation and then laughed with pride that not only was I skiing it then, but had skied it the day before without even realising it. What an AMAZING feeling.
The realisation that LOVE really does conquer fear.
And on the last day. I skied that section with complete and utter confidence. faster than I had skid in my life and with an ease and grace I would not have believed possible not just 20 years before, but 5 days earlier.
I am so peaceful in the knowledge I needed this lesson. Not just for myself, but for all of the amazing clients I get to serve too. This understanding, this knowing, this truth that we must all LOVE OURSELVES FIRST. This is what will change the world.
I am more certain now than ever.
But what has this got to do with relationships?
When we can learn to protect ourselves from darkness. To be aware when we are not acting in accordance with our highest possible intention and to notice when we are off track. We can affect everyone around us.
Because you know what I noticed?
On that Monday morning, while I was in complete turmoil, the love of my life seemed to rally against me. Doing everything he could to get my attention, get me off that mountain and get me safe. And I kept snapping. Blocking. Shutting Down Further.
And during the rest of the week, when I was being kind to myself. He came with me. He was gentle and kind, using sweet words of encouragement and loving me all the way down that mountain.
He always had my best interests at heart. He always cared for me , loved me, wanted me to be safe.
But by me choosing to love me first, I gave him the space to join me there too.
THAT was the most important lesson of all.
If you would like to understand more about how you might be getting in your own way, and therefore in the way of your relationship, book a free breakthrough session with me now. Spaces are limited as there is only one of me.
On this call, we will take a look at your relationship. What’s working and what’s not working (I’ll give you a hint - it’s not what you think). Then most importantly we will take a look at where you want it to be. And. If I can help you get there, I will show you how and if not, if we’re not a fit or it’s not appropriate, I will point you in the next best direction for you to continue on our journey.
I look forward to speaking with you.